A Boatload of Mercy Titus 3

Mercy... I love the word, and need it..badly. Still having some of the world in me, I also only have it to a certain degree. Then... The inner rumblings begin. It's the same way with me when it comes to forgiveness. I have it 70 X 7.. but only in the literal sense... I don't think that was Jesus point.

In Titus this morning, I am reminded once again to be subject to 'rulers and authorities, to be obedient, and ready to do that which is good. Well... I always love to do that which is good, and obedience is fine with me as well.. but where I get hung up is when and to whom.

It is easy for me to be obedient to rulers and authorities that are trustworthy and keep their word. I have NO problem and even do so with great joy! But... if you give me someone who does not keep their word reasonably so... and they are not really leaders in the true sense... I can be like a cat whose fur gets rubbed the wrong way.
Sad.. but true.

This morning I find myself struggling to be merciful.. to be subject to the authority over me, and to desire to do anymore good for this person. I have waiting pretty close to 5 months to get started in a job. Yep.. 5 months.
One time I had kindly let this person know that the wait had been getting rather long. Apologies came.. and more promises made. So, here I sit with seemingly today.. empty promises, bills to pay, people wondering, and God telling me to 'wait.' That should be all I need.. right? Yes..it should.  But more of that 'human stuff' tries to get into my head. Things like:

What is happening LORD? I need to understand.
Have I done something wrong?
This is not fair... I have bills to pay.. what are You doing? What are they doing?
This isn't right. I'm just being led on... etc. etc..
and endless diatribe of all of the reasons this is not acceptable and then... the Axe comes into mind. Time to cut the cord!

Titus goes on to say: "Slander no one. (Oops.. this even means in my own mind and definitely not to complain about it to someone else... flunked that one too.) Be peaceable and considerate.. show true humility.

Argh... With my frustration level rising the peaceable part is starting to waver.. I'm forgetting that they COULD have a reasonable explanation that perhaps I am not privy to..(else why would the LORD tell me to stick it out?) ..and.. My humility is going you know where in a hand basket.

Titus reminds us here that we are to set the example.. and not react.. but respond in a Christ-like fashion. Remembering that we too, when without Christ and in the world acted foolishly. If we respond as Christ's in a foolish way.. what good is that to show HIM to others?

Hmm.. I fall so short still.

As I saw this picture of the Mercy Ship the question came to me... "How much Mercy am I carrying on board in my own life to give to others?

We can only give what we have been taught and have been given... this also gets in my way. It is hard to give something away for free when you have had to live in a world where "EARNING is EVERYTHING"...

Help me LORD to give a Boatload of Mercy and MORE!

Desert Visions

"A voice of one crying in the desert..." (Luke 3). I find myself crying out here in this desert land as well for those who are the lost and for myself.

As I read John the Baptist's words.. some personal application came to the forefront: " Prepare (in your own heart and life) the way for the LORD."

How can we do this? By coming to the place where we live in Truth.. where we recognize that our Eternal welfare is at stake, and there is no profit or sense in deluding ourselves any longer. We need to look squarely into our own souls, see and admit our need for GOD to come and be GOD in and of our lives.

"Make straight paths for Him.." When Truth is applied to my inner self... there is nothing to block my salvation, sanctification, deliverance, and healing. I have made a decision to be honest about my state and to invite the LORD to come into those places and do His Redemptive work. I surrender ALL to Him.

"Every valley shall be filled in.." Every place in me that has been 'laid low' from my sin and shame... will be ministered to. Jesus says: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, and blessed are those who mourn. They shall inherit... His kingdom and His comfort." Jesus Christ IS the lifter of our bowed heads and souls.. He is the GOD who restores!

"Every mountain and hill laid low.." There is no room for Pride or Self when the SON of GOD comes in. IN order for Him to work, we must put aside all personal ambitions and will. He must REIGN in us and work out HIS will for our ultimate good and so we may be a holy people made for Him and His Glory!

"The crooked roads shall be made straight and the rough paths smooth.." Everything that exists in me that is bent or crooked and does not align with the Word.. will be dealt with over time out of love and necessity. Nothing that is of the 'world, the flesh, or the devil' can remain. He makes the crooked straight and those rough places in us... smooth.

"All Mankind will see GOD's Salvation.." All those around us can see when GOD is at work in us. We are transformed and it is not temporary. When GOD does a work it LASTS for always... There is no self-effort involved... it is not the latest fad or resolution. Ii is GOD and it is Permanent. The Glory is His for we do not know how to create ourselves.

John, you, and I are in mourning over those we love and desire to see come Home to Jesus... like John proclaimed their coming cannot have any other motivations than TRUE REPENTANCE from a pure heart.

No one can 'bargain or take advantage of GOD's Son."

Today.. I will once again... along with you.. lift my loved ones and the lost in our city and nation.

We can never stop 'Crying out' on their behalf!

Strong Delusions

Strong delusions.. All of us live under them... they come from the Enemy of our souls. We buy them because we want to live as we desire.. in the dark, in our sin, in our independence from the LORD. We want to live life.. as Sinatra said.. "Our way." This leads to death.

Yesterday I spent time crying out for my family and their families.. pleading with the LORD for their salvation...
I was desperate... desperate.. asking "LORD what else can I do? I have not lived before them the Word as I would have liked to, and my prayers seem to no avail after all of these years... Why?"

He answered: "A prophet is not honored in his own country and among his own family. I know how you feel.. it was the same in my own earthly family. Some will believe and some will not. It is the familiarity that gets in the way. Intercede for them.. that is all you can do now."

When I awoke and went to be with Him.. He gave me 2 Thessalonians 2: 1-12 and Psalm 13. He talked with me about the Strong Delusions most of my family lives under.. the Religious delusion or the Athiest delusion.... He said that they have no excuse other than this is what they CHOOSE to believe because they want to deny the TRUTH. How sad. We reap what we sow.. I guess there is nothing to do but 'fear and tremble' in walking our my own salvation.. I will keep interceding..

Resistance and Adversity

The last three weeks or so I have been under FIRE..or in the FIRES of ADVERSITY... Resistance has been everywhere! I did not realize what was happening. While life was not perfect, it was peaceful.. quiet. Then.. the winds began to blow and the LORD told me that by September 23rd my life would see pivotal change. Pivotal means critical.

It is so..

Today is September 22nd and already life is different. I'm no longer writing for the newspaper, not writing on Facebook, may begin working by the end of this week, are looking for another place to live, etc... but.. I would say the BIGGEST changes are within me. This blog reflects some of my wrestling in being changed.

I facilitate an anger management class.. I'm finding that the LORD has been using this class to teach ME some things more about pain and anger myself. He has been squeezing me like a near empty tube of toothpaste to 'bring up' anything left within me that is not like Him and His Character.

GOD knows how to apply the right people, circumstances, and pressures to bring up the 'sludge' within us. I hate that because I hate seeing the junk that lives within my heart. I love it.. because I WANT to be like Him.
There is no going around it.

To sum up my experiences in this blog this week, I would say.. Resistance has been the word.. along with Perspective. These two. For I have learned that even though circumstances and people are TRULY less than desirable at times.. sinful, broken, and in pain.. and while their STUFF does TRY to affect us negatively... how we RESPOND to them and their stuff is the KEY.

IF we react... instead of respond to another.. is it THEIR FAULT? IF we respond.. but in a negative way... is that THEIR FAULT as well?

No.

I have learned that is does not matter HOW anyone ever acts or what they say or don't do or say... (even though they can be wrong and have the potential of affecting us negatively), how WE react or respond to them has NOTHING to do with THEM. THIS problem,.. if done negatively is ALL OURS.

For years I have been blaming those in my life that have not said or done what was right... or what I thought was right... and those same ones who HAVE said and done things that were awfully painful to me. I have blamed them not only for their stuff, but for how I have reacted or responded to it.

I cannot do that any longer!

The LORD came to change my perspective in these last weeks and literally allowed me to be SMOTHERED by these people. They surrounded me like a pillow over ones face... and I could not breathe. The more I cried out.. the WORSE the adversity got.. because I was not crying out on their behalf or on behalf of the LORD to come and change ME.. as much as I was complaining, griping, cussing, and just wishing these would take a 'long walk off a short pier.'

Not pretty.

The LORD helped me to see that I was not honoring Him in my anger. Though anger is one of GOD's emotions and ours as well, AND can be healthy if handled right.. we can either honor or dishonor GOD in the way we handle it. Frankly I have dishonored Him more times than not in mine.

So.. GOD came to turn my head around and to open my eyes and my heart. He showed me things I already knew.... like: Not everyone knows Him, nor the way HE thinks and Lives. So..how can I expect people to 'speak and act' as He does? (And heck.. I know Him to some degree and look how I was acting?!)

Nest.. He reminded me that I need to SEE them as He does... Broken, stuck in bondage in their actions.. and defeated in their lives... also on their way to a greater eternal torment without Him.

This made me ashamed of the way I had been acting and filled my heart with compassion toward these I had been angry with. I also learned in my own class on anger.. some very helpful tools to deal with anger in a godly fashion and how to avoid it as well.

So.. now my perspective was changing...

The next thing was Resistance. I was at the gym and even when flying home on the airplane, Delta had this commercial about how they choose to USE the Adversity of the Wind.. or it's Resistance to CLIMB HIGHER.  The LORD explained to me that EVERY AREA of our lives ENCOUNTERS a type of RESISTANCE or battle and HE made it that way for us to GROW STRONG! We never grow when we GO WITH the WIND.. we grow as we FACE it.. have a right attitude about it and move into it...

It has the POTENTIAL to LIFT us to NEW HEIGHTS where we can SOAR with GOD above the atmosphere and life's circumstances UNTOUCHED.. and in joy and great peace.

Thank You GOD for these trials.. and may I ultimately honor You even in this.

There are No Winners in War

Are there ever really any winners or victors in a war?

Right away we would say.."Yes..those who are the strongest, fastest or smartest in the fight!"

My personal opinion is that there are never truly any 'winners.' War is a lose, lose situation because it instantaneously means that one will die or be beaten severely.. and the 'victor' will suffer tremendously for the life they took and for the scars of battle itself... in every area of their life. It also affects their families.

The cost of war is high, and once engaged... a price WILL be paid.

The LORD led me this morning to 2 Samuel 2: 15-23. War is even rougher when you KNOW your opponent!

Many times in our walk with the LORD..our loyalties WILL be tested! We can walk with people as friends...even close friends, or as co-workers in an endeavor and something will rise that makes us each choose a side and divides us.

Do we have the courage to STAND?

King David's house and King Saul's house were at war.

Each side had it's men.

Each side did their best to be loyal to the side they stood.

Abner was being pursued by Joab's brother, Ashael. Abner ran from him as fast as he could go.. all the time warning Ashael to relent and turn back or he would kill him. This one thing Abner did not want to do.

Ashael would not take heed, but persisted to overtake and kill Abner.

Abner could run no more... he took the butt of his spear and ran it through Ashael's abdomen... he died.

Abner now in greater fear of his life... had Joab in pursuit of him. Abner reasoned with Joab so that more lives were not consumed in the fight. Joab came to agree, and in the end each went his own way.

The thing is... in this life... wars will not cease. Someone has to have their own way.. someone has to rule.

In our own lives and day to day.. at home, in the work place, at school, in ministry... there are those we love, those we like, those we patiently choose to love, like and just plain endure...

There will be those times that we are divided in disagreement... even heated ones because of opposing viewpoints.

Our mission is to stand where the LORD would have us to stand.. but always in His love as well as His Truth.
..and we are to speak the truth in His love...

When their is an opposing viewpoint we need to be humble, gentle, soft spoken, wise, harmless, entreating... yet firm. We are to pray, intercede, and be quiet unless moved to speak what the LORD puts within our hearts. There is no need for anger, fits of rage, impatience, or strong words and or actions. These harsh things are like the butt of a spear being run through the heart of another.

There are no winners in these kinds of engagement... but I will correct one thing here.. if in the war we fight.. we can do so as Jesus would... we can win... then.. and our opponent IF they hear.. are winners as well. If they don't ...we have done what we could.

The Dream

Last night I had a dream. I was swimming in the deep end of a pool with someone that I needed to take a break from. I wanted to swim over to talk with two of my new friends and asked the person I was presently with to give me a few minutes and I would be right back.

As I swam toward my new friends.. a couple.. I turned my head and the person I had needed some space from was following right behind me.. I was mad and began to confront them as to why they had followed me. I woke up.

As I went out to walk this morning, I asked the LORD about the dream because as I thought about it.. it made sense with what has been happening in my personal life.

The LORD said: The 'deep water' symbolizes what you are not able to control... you are 'in over your head'.. and cannot touch the bottom to change your circumstances. You felt you had some control when you excused yourself from the friend you needed space from.. that made you feel you had 'some' control over people that are not healthy, toxic, broken, overwhelming, smothering you or crowding your life. You thought you could get away. You saw you could not and that made you terribly angry and frustrated!

Then He took me into the Word when I got back to the house again.. and showed me... 'children'. The LORD said that these people in my life that are toxic, broken, sinful and what not are just like all of us.. we are all the same.. imperfect and in need of a Savior.. Jesus. Some of us will turn to the LORD and some.. sadly.. will not. But.. regardless ALL people need love, honor, and respect. Some people are harder to deal with and be around for long periods of time.

My struggle has been that I am very idealistic.. not always realistic. I need to 'get it' that ALL people ARE broken and in sin in some areas of their lives and that sooner or later we all show.. not only our good and healthy sides, but our weak and broken sides too. Some of us have more than others that shows... and it affects us in lesser to greater degrees.

This week I have been around those here at my old home and even at my own home that are toxic.. sick in the head and heart...and will not get well. I have a responsibility to them to love, honor and respect them. To care for them as I should before the LORD.. but there is wisdom in knowing that when it gets to be too much I need to take a step back... a step out.. and pray.. intercede... release to God..(like the fountain). But I also need to have patience and tolerance with them.. and ask for wisdom while with them that the Holy Spirit might continue to model Christ and minister to them through me.

For those that are in Christ.. I need to see them as children of GOD's and relate with them as such... like disciples... bringing them along. I cannot recoil when I see and hear their 'stuff' .. I have to have the patience of Christ and see their potential.


I also need people like this in my life.. who will hang in there with me.

Change me LORD.. Change my heart. Make me like JESUS. AMEN.

A Healthy Kind of Fountain

What was in Absalom's mind and heart in 2 Samuel 15? What was churning and coursing in and through him? Was it repressed anger? I mean... let's think back on what the Bible reveals and does not say... One: my own question is did King David spend time with his son's? Intimate time? Did he play ball with Absalom? Did he fish with him? Did he know Absalom's dreams, fears? Did he care about the direction of Absalom's life or his plans?

I'm not saying that King David did not.. the Bible is silent here... But the thing that plagues me though.. is what the Bible does say... King David did not get involved with the rape of his daughter, did not chastise the son that raped her.. he never went to see Absalom in the time he was gone to bring him back to the city and he did not get involved wtih Absalom trying to win the hearts of the men in Jerusalem. What I hear and see is a King, a wonderful man of God.. but a poor dad himself. I never heard or saw him nurture his sons or daughters. Perhaps he invested in Solomon because he was next in line for the Throne.. but beyond that.. nothing.

Was Jesse was poor model of a father to David? It does't seem that way.. yet nothing is said about it.

This morning as I was out walking in the park and mulling over the events of yesterday that occurred... the bondage of my family, and the anger and frustrations I had and did not know how to handle... I came to a Fountain. The Lord spoke to me and said: "This was Absalom's problem.... he repressed his anger for YEARS... he did not release it in a healthy way and so when the time came and he could take no more.. he released RAGE in a destructive way!  Did you pray and release when you felt what you did yesterday.. kind of like the Fountain?", He asked.."Or did you sit stewing in silence?" Guilty.

So, today.. I simply began anew to offer to him my concerns for them and asked Him to help me finish my trip with wisdom in His Strength.. by His grace. I need to apply this to all of my relationships and they me in times when our 'stuff' is overpowering and overwhelming to those around us.

A Fountain of prayers... intercession for another... healthy release. Amen.