Mercy... I love the word, and need it..badly. Still having some of the world in me, I also only have it to a certain degree. Then... The inner rumblings begin. It's the same way with me when it comes to forgiveness. I have it 70 X 7.. but only in the literal sense... I don't think that was Jesus point.
In Titus this morning, I am reminded once again to be subject to 'rulers and authorities, to be obedient, and ready to do that which is good. Well... I always love to do that which is good, and obedience is fine with me as well.. but where I get hung up is when and to whom.
It is easy for me to be obedient to rulers and authorities that are trustworthy and keep their word. I have NO problem and even do so with great joy! But... if you give me someone who does not keep their word reasonably so... and they are not really leaders in the true sense... I can be like a cat whose fur gets rubbed the wrong way.
Sad.. but true.
This morning I find myself struggling to be merciful.. to be subject to the authority over me, and to desire to do anymore good for this person. I have waiting pretty close to 5 months to get started in a job. Yep.. 5 months.
One time I had kindly let this person know that the wait had been getting rather long. Apologies came.. and more promises made. So, here I sit with seemingly today.. empty promises, bills to pay, people wondering, and God telling me to 'wait.' That should be all I need.. right? Yes..it should. But more of that 'human stuff' tries to get into my head. Things like:
What is happening LORD? I need to understand.
Have I done something wrong?
This is not fair... I have bills to pay.. what are You doing? What are they doing?
This isn't right. I'm just being led on... etc. etc..
and endless diatribe of all of the reasons this is not acceptable and then... the Axe comes into mind. Time to cut the cord!
Titus goes on to say: "Slander no one. (Oops.. this even means in my own mind and definitely not to complain about it to someone else... flunked that one too.) Be peaceable and considerate.. show true humility.
Argh... With my frustration level rising the peaceable part is starting to waver.. I'm forgetting that they COULD have a reasonable explanation that perhaps I am not privy to..(else why would the LORD tell me to stick it out?) ..and.. My humility is going you know where in a hand basket.
Titus reminds us here that we are to set the example.. and not react.. but respond in a Christ-like fashion. Remembering that we too, when without Christ and in the world acted foolishly. If we respond as Christ's in a foolish way.. what good is that to show HIM to others?
Hmm.. I fall so short still.
As I saw this picture of the Mercy Ship the question came to me... "How much Mercy am I carrying on board in my own life to give to others?
We can only give what we have been taught and have been given... this also gets in my way. It is hard to give something away for free when you have had to live in a world where "EARNING is EVERYTHING"...
Help me LORD to give a Boatload of Mercy and MORE!
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