Forgiveness.. let's walk on some new and scary ground. When I was growing up.. I was taught to forgive everyone for everything and relationships were meant to be restored after the person was truly sorry for what they had said and or done. When I was young most of the time people WERE sorry when they had hurt you in some way. The world has changed! Today.. people are SO into themselves that really.. they could care less about you more times than not and if you even mention the fact that they have hurt or offended you.. they will tell you where to go.. how to get there... and even give you specific details! I feel badly for my parents who are in their golden years and both see and hear a very different kind of world.
Today the LORD made some things very clear in the classes He had me facilitate with Him and I want to share them with you too. Maybe you will also find something to glean like I did from Him. We are going to look at 2 types of heart attitudes here from those who may have caused you hurt.
Let's say the first person says or does something.. or maybe they withhold saying or doing something.. and it offends, trespasses against you, or wounds you and even deeply. The LORD says that while we have to choose what to take issue with and when..there are many things we don'e even need to let trouble us. But.. when it IS necessary.. we NEED to face things HEAD ON.
DENIAL is one of the WORST enemies we have. We tend to DENY what we DON'T want to deal with. DENIAL after a wound.. only HOLDS OPEN the wound for the DIRT to get in.. if you are hearing the LORD in this.
FACE your problems. In LOVE and TRUTH... and with a humble, gentle, and quiet spirit.. with a soft answer.... Speak to your 'friend' about the problem and how it affected you.
Once you do this... Listen to them.
If they put up a SMOKE SCREEN of JUNK.. don't engage them any further. Take your situation and hurt to the LORD and LEAVE IT there. CHOOSE to FORGIVE the Offense... even if you have to do it moment by moment until it loses it's sting. Intercede for them and PURPOSEFULLY DO GOOD TO THEM.
When you do GOOD on purpose to another after and offense.. that good deed acts as a SHIELD to PROTECT YOU from DIRT and BACTERIA getting INTO the wound and causing an INFECTION. Leaving the person and the matter in the Hands of GOD, interceding for them and doing good, frees you to move on. There is no magic or instant cure.. and if and when the matter comes back to you in thought you must take it captive and remind yourself it is dealt with. The Devil will love it if you begin to nurse the hurt all over again and he will surely capitalize on it to your hurt and the hurt of the other. The Devil REPLAYS a matter... GOD throws it away as far as East is from West.
Let's say this person is convicted by the way you respond to the offense.. and they are TRULY broken over it, and desire to repent in truth. The Word of GOD says... 70 x 7 you must forgive.. that is not a literal number.. just that as long as a person is trying to do the work of change you are obligated to show grace, mercy and forgivenness over and over again as GOD has done for you.
Remember the story of the KING who forgave the man his overwhelming debt in the Bible? Jesus told us that though he was forgiven,.. he did NOT forgive one who owed him. So.. the KING called back the man he forgave and made him pay his debt until it was complete.. now.. you and I both know that we CANNOT repay what we owe Christ.. but since He has forgiven us and showed us abundant Grace in this DAY of Grace.. We best not withhold it from others!
In this case we work to restore the relationship.
2nd Person: We do exactly the same as we did with the first.. only.. in this case this particular person is NOT TRULY repentant. NO godly sorrow...no brokenness, no tears, no grief over their sin or the hurt they caused you. Their body language says.. "eh.. get over it." Their words may echo that sentiment as well.. or.. they may tell you off.. and do it all again to hurt you just to show you they can do as they please and who are you to tell them otherwise??!!!! Or.. they may.. with their LIPS only.. say.. 'I'm sorry and I promise to change."..BUT they NEVER even attempt to do the WORK of change with GOD.
So.. here is where the difference begins.. You STILL turn them over to GOD and release them.. you forgive them.. and you get on your face and ask the LORD the way you should take because every circumstance is different. But.. if you are in an abusive relationship.. verbal, emotional, sexual, and or physical.. and this person is not going to do what it takes to change.. here is the action. LEAVE.
The LORD says that we are to love Him with all of our soul, heart, mind and strength and we are to love Others AS OURSELVES. If I love myself and am doing everything with GOD to work things out.. that is ALL I can do. I CANNOT DO another's part in the relationship FOR THEM. If we are married.. it IS a Covenant relationship and the LORD says we are not to leave except for adultery.. but here is the 'clause' He put in as well.. "You are to live in peace with all men as best you are able, IF you leave you are NOT to remarry." In other words... if you are giving your all.. if you are doing ALL you can.. and your relation, friend, etc.. will not do their part.. you do NOT have to stay in the abuse. You can leave. You cannot remarry or even see anyone else. You made a covenant and you have to keep it until they get help and you return to them.. or they die. This way you honor the vow and Covenant you made before GOD... and you honor your mate, and yourself.
IF you are not married.. but it is a friend, neighbor, co-worker, etc.. you do NOT have to restore the destructive relationship or at least restore it in full. You decide.
Forgiveness and restoration are 2 different things.. and while full restoration is always the goal.. it cannot happen if the person proves over and over during the course of time that they will not allow GOD to help them change.
Abuse in short can be defined as anything that is not used for it's PURPOSE. In a relationship it is NO different. If you abuse a tool it BREAKS and how much more a PERSON? If you are in a relationship and not loved, honored and respected, nor valued... if you are being abused and immediate HARM is at hand.. leave right away. GO and get help. If you feel that you cannot ASK GOD for wisdom and "DO whatever HE tells you."
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