My Gram was a Checker Professional! Ok... that from a 6 year old's view.
She had great mercy in playing Checkers with me. She hated to put her skills to use and so she would feign weakness, and lose so that I could win. I could smell it even then.. a mile away!
I hated it!
So.. one day.. I got the courage to ask her NOT to let me win anymore.
Big mistake.
She trounced me... over and over.. and I choking back the tears and smiling.. still would have it NO other way! If I was going to win.. I wanted it to be FAIR and SQUARE because I 'went for it'!
After some time passed, I got to be good at Checkers and on occasion would truly win. I WANTED IT and gave it all I had and did not Cheat.
I was thinking about this today because it is how I am with GOD many times.
God sits on one side the my heart, and I on the other. We seem to be competing for WHO will be KING of my Heart at times. I hate that too.
There are many things I ask Him for over and over and over again and I call it persistence.. right?
He calls it a Heart problem.. a "Heart of Idols."
He knows my Heart truly that deep down I love Him and there is nothing that I won't give up.. even if hard.. with His help.. because there is no one and nothing I desire more than Him. But.. there is still work to do in there.
I don't think it is the things that I ask for that are the problem... they are GOOD things.
But He tells me this morning that while I think I am being persistent.. I am asking for what I desire in the wrong LIGHT.. if you get my drift.
I am a focused human being, determined, set like flint when I desire something.. a Bulldog.. I guess. Maybe that is not a bad trait.. but if it desires something amiss it can be. Kind of like my heart cries out..."KING ME. I WIN."...but... there is NO doubt that persistence about good things in a not good light... is really being a LOSER.
As I sit here and write this.. I am going through my 'House' with a checklist and GOD. I'm renovating this part of my heart.. RIGHT NOW.
There can ONLY be ONE KING and in this case... If I LOSE... because HE WINS... then I WIN too.
KING HIM! That's my desire now!
"LORD..no more detestable practices... no more Heart Idols.. and no more persistence toward Good things in a wrong light.
Help me ONLY to want the things you want for me... now and forever more!
You told me in Psalm 15 what my walk should look like and the heart I really need to have to be with You. In Psalm 17 You hear my CRY and you come to my aid. Change my heart O GOD... I offer it to YOU.. EMPTY... fill it with YOUR SPIRIT and what you desire. And.. make me HOLY."
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